i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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