So drunk its hurt
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
