Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
