He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
