i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My ass is underappreciated
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
