Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
