I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize