That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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