I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize