garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
