He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You smell like stripper and shame
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
