Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
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