Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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