I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
