so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
