when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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