smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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