I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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