babies were throwing up all over the place
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
