No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize