i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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