I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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