If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
dude. I can hear the air.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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