so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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