Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
