i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
