There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
