Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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