oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
