The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
