I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
