it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
