we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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