Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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