remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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