if i can run in heels then i can drive
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They took my balls.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
