I wannas sexs uuuuu
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
