I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
