The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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