i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
