it was like fucking gandolphs beard
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We have so much sex to catch up on
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize