you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
