I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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