there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I party with great urgency now.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
