Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
