Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
