:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
