we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
