I think my fart just growled at me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
