In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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