you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
