I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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