i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
