I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
