I'm so fucking centered right now
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
