i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
