I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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