When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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