i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
