we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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