She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
