I bet he comes in French.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
