walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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