He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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