i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
even my farts smell like vagina
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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