12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize