At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
