and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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