i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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