nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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